tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64892300776485603392024-03-13T21:19:08.557-07:00Games to Play With YourselfUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-79539889699100723442021-03-03T21:56:00.006-08:002021-03-03T22:00:38.561-08:00The Basics<p>1. Decide to lift up the rock. Find a hundred a thousand worms of self pity, self loathing, pouts.</p><p>2. Cancel the song "Stranded in the Jungle" </p><p>3. How do you know you still have a place in this world? Because you are still breathing on it? Because you have not been destroyed? </p><p>4. Try to destroy yourself anyhow. </p><p>5. Four years in LA, four years of sad sunsets, a handful of bike rides over uneven pavement, spilling coffee on desks, stains on screens, cut hedges, small flowering blueberry bushes, early morning downtown walks, wondering about money and why can't this money build a small bright city. </p><p>6. The only thing you have is your mind, grandma said don't lose your mind.</p><p>7. Cheese and crackers, Shark Coochie </p><p>8. Looking at all of the women and still having a layer a sheen a silly shirt not quite sure how to be in your body not quite sure how to be old or a human or a sexual being, all of this uncertainty and why don't you love it yet?<br /></p><p>9. A tenderness. Break your heart over and over again and make mistakes. Climb and be strong watch yourself become a gorilla just like you wanted to.</p><p>10. Sell the house. Sell the filth. Sell the dream. Sell the song. Sell the tears. </p><p>11. What is?</p><p>12. I don't know anything about stories anymore but I got rid of a typewriter and there's nothing useful here at all. I don't have much to say but maybe I will. I lived the American Dream. </p><p>13. What I want is ease. </p><p>14. And love.</p><p>15. The game I play called I Will Never Love Again is a game that makes me laugh and cry but not love </p><p>16. Laughing and crying are kinds of loving</p><p>17. Laugh-crying is my love language.</p><p>18. The selfish worm, the one in the apple. </p><p>19. I can't let go of that </p><p>20. Dream</p><p>21. But what if</p><p>22. I could </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-15379486347475836842019-05-29T10:12:00.002-07:002019-05-29T10:12:58.510-07:00In No Particular Order1. Consider the thick droplets of water on the faces of your lovers and healers<br />
2. Play Witch in the rain, know you can cackle if you want, choose not to cackle, but take note in case you want to upgrade from chuckle<br />
3. Read about the symbolism of the egg, crack the egg with its veins, use three hands as one, watch the yolk burst in the rain<br />
4. Unearth the soil<br />
5. We are the weirdos, Mister<br />
6. The breath, the vibration, the warmth, the weight, the skin, the bark, the leaves, the taste of your lover the tree your lover the friend your lover the one you fear, the one who loves you without tender words the one who loves you far away loves you<br />
7. My love language is laughter, Wild laughter, whispered laughter, inappropriate laughter, unashamed laughter, belly laughter, laughter between kisses, handshakes, high fives, free laughter, infinite all the time laughter, memories of laughter, solemn space in between<br />
7b. My love language is the Sacred Pause<br />
8. My love language is the tree, a quiet steady moment of security, no need to move or prove or apologize or keep up, the quiet moments holding hands side by side hand in hand in green, the quiet moment of being and witnessing being. Of seeing and being seen.<br />
9. The walk and the hop<br />
10. The relief<br />
11. Litty Liddy Littie<br />
12. Jerome go home come back when you've grown<br />
13. Be in prison only when you are in prison<br />
14. Be proud of us for what we might call shame but choose to call pride this moment is liberation empowerment embracing the love that belongs to us the joy the sensuality that belongs to us the live that belongs to us the world that belongs to us the breath that belongs to us<br />
15. I. Stay. With. Me.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-70330973316550987092019-04-15T14:28:00.003-07:002019-04-15T14:28:51.334-07:00Just When You Forgot How to Play Games There Are More Games 1. Look at somebody else's life/website and ache because that is the life you are supposed to be living. Repeat indefinitely.<br />
2. Fall asleep<br />
3. Play songs<br />
4. Fart a lot.<br />
5a. Let a year and a few weeks pass by.<br />
5b. Find this blog entry about a year and a half later, laugh because it's very funny, and go ahead and post it. <br />
6. Stop staring at things that aren't yours<br />
7. Be in the body and the moment that are yours and only yours<br />
8. Time to yourself<br />
9. Pocket to yourself<br />
10. Give to yourself so you can give to others.<br />
11. Turn it off, turn it all off.<br />
12. Love the way the keyboard feels. Old keyboard, old computer<br />
13. Yes there are too many things but those things will start to burn away<br />
14. Like Notre Dame<br />
15. Too soon<br />
16. Quote from The Hunchback of Notre Dame: "Love is like a tree: it grows by itself, roots itself deeply in our being and continues to flourish over a heart in ruin. The inexplicable fact is that the blinder it is, the more tenacious it is. It is never stronger than when it is completely unreasonable."<br />
17. Love unreasonably. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-76986588136225494952019-02-23T13:33:00.002-08:002019-02-23T13:33:50.575-08:00Yes I Am Alive and Please and Thank You 1. Meet a friend who gives you three German names (Max Weber / Karl Marx / Emile Durkheim) and add it to your list of People to know or forget or crawl on or suck on like a lozenge. Brain lozenge. And/or.<br />
2. I want to be honest, but I am scared you will think I am Wrong.<br />
3. Take note of what <i>The Schedule</i> means to you: The whip of 2018, the bones of 2018, the foundation of 2018, the energetic worms of 2018, the life raft. <i>But is there a need for the life raft anymore when I see my Galleon on the horizon? I am swimming to you. </i><br />
4. Answer questions in the voice you never knew you had, tell stories in a voice you don't think about<br />
5. There are a million stories to tell, he said. Let go of the old ones. What's the story, Anne Bogart?<br />
6. Swim and don't be afraid.<br />
7. Show and tell your eraser collection with as much joy as you did when you were a little girl.<br />
8. Where are you in the 7-year cycle of energetic worm degredation? The worms are calling out for more.<br />
9. This was made for you.<br />
10. Sit in your chair, remember the rain, the sky is so heavy these days, crisp with snow.<br />
11. Make room for your cat in your lap.<br />
12. Walk amongst witches and heathens and artists and mystics and gurus and saints and devils and demons and dybbuks and slap their booties as you pass them by, with a wink, all of this sex magick stuff is well and good until somebody OD's on coke, and I can only laugh for a bit, everything makes me laugh because I don't understand it, is it anger or sadness? Humor or hubris?<br />
13. Dreamt you were a preacher and I was proud of you, speaking in front of the crowd. Nobody cheered for me, they cheered for you. I was proud proud proud to be so quiet. I had never felt so whole and humble.<br />
14. Trust your words, yes?<br />
15. I don't think they are either or, they are slipping through a dragon's eye.<br />
16. The project of your mouth. Your small chin and the smudge growing around your teeth. The way you look at me, with your dragon eyes and whiskers. The smudge growing around your eyes. The age growing in your stride.<br />
17. This is for You. I don't see it but you do, I don't see me but you do. I want to see me.<br />
18. No more bathwater, but keep the baby. Keep the baby.<br />
19. Yum yum vs Penis<br />
20. I want to be Wrong.<br />
21. Make the most of what they got. Games. Play therapy.<br />
22. Sit. Smile. Breathe.<br />
23. Some crystalline structure has grown here, unnoticed. Something fragile.<br />
24. Firmly in the Flow and the Universe says YESSSS YESSSSS YESSSSSSSSSSSS you are alive you are alive you are alive and it cries and I cry and we cry together and she says thank you and I say thank you and sit and sit and sit and smile and smile and smile and today's intention is<br />
25. Look for messages<br />
26. The truck spraying water, or gas. Truck juice.<br />
27. I am at ease and I can, and today I put things together<br />
28. Watch the neighbor read his giant bible. Invite him for dinner?<br />
29. Reaching out with your heart tendrils full of love, wanting to declare love to the girl with a flat face and flat voice as she gets on her bike, it's her hat really<br />
30. Moldy hats outside. Can you wash moldy hats? Don't be a waste of a hat.<br />
31. Pick up every piece of trash you see because you never know which piece of trash in the grass by the retirement home will be a photograph of the sea, you never know which piece of discarded trash will be a picture of you from the future, you never know which piece of trash you pick up will be the phone number of your Truest love, your Truest Mirror, you never know what may or may not effect a dolphin's choice to leave his pod. Fission-fusion society. They join and leave several pods over a lifetime.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-49049613913692917412018-10-18T22:58:00.000-07:002018-10-18T22:58:05.878-07:00It Takes A Long Time to Change So Give Me A Year At Least 1. Maiden, mother, crone. Count on your fingers until your fingers are gone.<br />
2. Maiden you are not going easily, are you? Pretty o pretty o pretty one<br />
3. "Speak, O Toothless One."<br />
4. Everything You Said Was True<br />
5. Today when every accomplishment feels like dull cuts with a butterknife<br />
6. Cut With a Kitchen Knife is not just the name of your google doc of words, it is also a work of art by Hannah Hoch, female dadaist<br />
7. Remember how to make your lists, they are lifesavers<br />
8. David Whyte says everything will break your heart<br />
9. In the arena<br />
10. Vulnerable<br />
11. Until what I am offering just looks too sinewy, too muddled, too confused<br />
12. And is that okay.<br />
13. It is not minimalist, or pleasing to the eye<br />
12. It is maximalist, and messy<br />
13. Can you love your mess?<br />
12. Can you notice where you are stuck?<br />
13. Where are you stuck?<br />
14. You are stuck where you are not on your knees saying "I Can't."<br />
15. Every moment say, "I Can't, I Can."<br />
16. The limits of what you can and can't, what you are and aren't.<br />
17. If I could see me through your eyes at every moment, I would say all of these things<br />
18. Good job, beautiful.<br />
19. Give me til Monday, beautiful.<br />
20. You are beautiful and your voice is beautiful.<br />
21. You don't need to stay indoors<br />
22. It is not always safe by yourself indoors<br />
23. That is not always what you need<br />
24. What you need is a slippery fish<br />
25. "This fish is pungent."<br />
26. All of the things I laughed at, I cry at, because they are Beautiful<br />
27. Wake me up inside<br />
28. I want us all to succeed<br />
29. And make it to heaven<br />
30. I guess if I am loving myself the best I can today, that's enough. Messy room, clean car.<br />
31. It's enough<br />
32. The homage to myself is too much self<br />
33. For it is by self forgetting we find<br />
34. It is by dying we awaken to eternal lifeUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-61586287417595984092018-06-28T22:03:00.000-07:002018-06-28T22:05:18.655-07:00The Unflattening (Winding Like Roses)1. Wake up blearily and vaguely recall the dream of Desi Arnaz, your true love disappearing, experimental films, blood clots. Mix up days, all the dreams bleed together.<br />
2. Memories of mangoworms and the heroes who squeeze them out of puppy paws. Do not think of the dying puppy's porous jaws, do not think of it, look up "trypophobia," know each hole is a button you press, know each worm is trying to survive in its tiny way, and it enjoys mangos just like you. You have a lot in common.<br />
3. Everything is cancelled. Talk to women who care about you. They will remind you that the only goal is to tear down barriers to love.<br />
4. Look at social media, the colors of hair and the smiling faces and the lipstick and the quickness.<br />
5. Walk outside to the pharmacy and belong to the day.<br />
6. Belong to the day.<br />
7. Belong to the melted trash can.<br />
8. Belong to the neighbors you greet as though you belong here, as though this is where you have lived and will always live.<br />
9. Greet the pitbull, the chihuahua, the porcelain garden lambs.<br />
10. Enjoy the stripes everybody is wearing<br />
11. Try to understand systems, promise yourself your brain is still functional<br />
12. Find something to love, something to embrace.<br />
13. Interact lightly with a friend and feel the ease of all of the shadows lifting.<br />
14. The Bodhi Tree. I sit with red clown hair present to all experience. Here for the stillness.<br />
15. Make an orderly outline, the one you have made so many times, and laugh. Maybe you are not checking anything off the list, maybe just tracing the same spiral, walking on the Escher staircase.<br />
16. Know the system is just beyond your reach and you are part of it but never ever able to see its machinery<br />
17. Approximate the machinery<br />
18. Tell the machinery in list form that it will emerge organically<br />
19. The machinery is the winding roses curving around the grey white house<br />
20. Just stand in front of that place in your neighborhood you never noticed before, on a breezy afternoon, and let yourself cry. Because that is more beautiful than anything. And become unflattened.<br />
21. Make your own choices, your own mistakes, your own lists, your own words, your own smiles, your own loves, your own approval, your own love, Like a Woman.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-41855459293842803472018-02-04T22:24:00.001-08:002018-02-04T22:24:08.300-08:00Things To Say To Your Reflection (And Other Public Transport Games) 1. Look it right in its flaming eye, in the subway glass, and say I WILL FIND YOU with determination, there is determination above those dark circles.<br />
2. Distract it and the memory of it by making a scavenger hunt for the following things: the reddest lips, the nicest nails, the best boots, the strongest child, the purplest hair, the most starving artist, the sick man with the pirate patch, the teenager who looks most like Prince, the quietest heart, the friendliest smile, the most suspicious eye<br />
3. Just remember as a statement how many mirrors there are, and be somebody's mirror, like that Velvet Underground song<br />
4. Say to it, "The time for palm readers, tarot cards, wishes, and kings is over. Now is the time to sit by the brook and hear it babble. That babble of train track clickety clack."<br />
5. The Fool's Journey<br />
6. you have Nerves like weeds<br />
7. you grow Patience like poppies<br />
8. "Yes you have given me all the reasons why not, but what about all of the reasons why? This is why not. This is why. Why? Why not?" either liberating or profoundly not.<br />
9. Leaves clues in places, in the shape of a cloud of perfume<br />
10. There is enough room for all of us. Allow me to disappear and reappear several times.<br />
11. Yours is not mine is mine is yoursUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-21351884111300613142018-01-02T21:43:00.002-08:002018-01-02T21:43:35.062-08:00Day Two is Day One is Heart Rot 1. I am a person who does This. (When you are not sure what kind of person you are, remember you are the person who does This.)<br />
2. Roll out one lonely bin.<br />
3. Watch the blackest smoke burst from behind the stucco Victorians.<br />
4. I remember that time when that friend of yours tried to leave her silhouette on the earth and I was just pouting because I think it made you love me less.<br />
5. Not Evil, Just Desperate<br />
6. That rolling-eye half-lid kind of crackle-throated cynicism where I say things as though I have a death wish and a cigarette in my mouth<br />
7. Perform the motions of love. Dry-rotted heart.<br />
8. "In trees, heart rot is a fungal disease that causes the decay of wood at the center of the trunk and branches."<br />
9. Who will remind me?<br />
10. Touchstone. There is no picture that will describe it.<br />
11. There's a video I shouldn't have watched of you where you are holding back a laugh. (I love you most any time you are soft-bellied and not You.)<br />
12. Fire-bellied frog.<br />
13. Boots with no stockings.<br />
14. It's too cold, it's too soon, it's too much.<br />
15. Somewhere my compassion is hovering above me like the ripest raincloud. My empathy bots are chasing you right now. Infusing you with light. Giving you pills. Petting your head. Everything you need.<br />
16. My body, my little center of the universe dissolves. I want all of my good molecules to bond with yours til you are The Best.<br />
17. To contain it, to make it a formula. Something is wrong, it's probably me.<br />
18. What do I let go of?<br />
19. Bottle-feed<br />
20. Rollercoaster.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-40847805821537358552017-10-10T18:39:00.001-07:002017-10-10T18:41:15.656-07:00Big Silent Sun1. Row your boat quietly on the Lakes.<br />
2. Gaze at the shiniest star.<br />
3. Stay hypnotized or find the other consciousness in the other hemisphere.<br />
4. You are a Planet, I happily suffocate in your swirling gaseous clouds.<br />
5. Little gnat brain, buzzing quickly.<br />
6. Feel your fingers traveling.<br />
7. Remember the dream of the hotel and the elevator. You are always there.<br />
8. Feel the warmth behind you. It might be a fire.<br />
9. Apocalyptic images from the Napa Valley Fire.<br />
10. Neighborhood before and after.<br />
11. My neighborhood now is a blank slate.<br />
12. Makes plans like making wishes on trick candles.<br />
13. Trick cake.<br />
14. Behind you a big silent sun is filling up the sky.<br />
15. You don't see it, and you shouldn't look at it, but feel it.<br />
16. Staring at the moon instead.<br />
17. Whichever one you are.<br />
18. I still feel you radiating.<br />
19. There is another kind of entity here.<br />
20. You can tell yourself whatever you want, but the sun is rising.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-22726177147375404062017-08-30T23:32:00.001-07:002017-08-30T23:32:38.177-07:00The Gorilla Joke 1. Find out what the doctor would say to the gorilla who forgot how to gorilla. Make it a knock-knock joke that is more than a knock-knock joke.<br />
2. Recall the wet dream. Was it a dream or a meme? Wet meme, wet dream.<br />
3. Imagine the room that is covered mysteriously with more and more dust. Incredible amounts of dust.<br />
4. Imagine the texts you would send to him, if you had less dignity.<br />
5. Ask a first grader, "What is dignity?" and find out what bullying is.<br />
6. Cancel everything.<br />
7. Watch your neighbor fix his car, wonder if you should break the ice from up in the sky.<br />
8. I think of you all of the time, and thank god I do.<br />
9. I am ready for the light.<br />
10. Draw this on your palm: "I am ready for the light." Draw it in a sun.<br />
11. It could be worse.<br />
12. So far so good. On a good day.<br />
13. Your short hair, your sweet face, your glasses, your book, your chair.<br />
14. Imagine the yellow wingback chair. The leather one made out of cows.<br />
15. The smell of the spice factory. Turmeric in the streets.<br />
16. Spilling cinnamon<br />
17. Recycle or trash?<br />
18. Houston we have a problem.<br />
19. According to my sources, and my ignorance, everyone is fine and everything is ok.<br />
20. We laugh a lot, on clouds. We get older and our clouds keep laughing.<br />
21. I'm still in love with you.<br />
22. I want to see you dance again.<br />
23. 'Cause I'm still in love with you.<br />
24. On this Harvest Moon<br />
25. Miss you Josh<br />
26. Miss you Alex<br />
27. Miss you Grandma<br />
28. Miss you Grandpa<br />
29. Miss you, You<br />
30. Miss you, GorillaUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-9091672920295966192017-08-08T22:50:00.005-07:002017-08-08T22:50:55.489-07:00Arguments Between Self and Skyline1. Lean over, create that list of what you can shout into sublime spaces such as ocean or cavern or skyline; "The frog is staying!" or "Do you love me?" or "Take me, moon."<br />
2. When you lean deep into that self chasm, listen to echoes of the voice that says "How do I love you?"<br />
3. There must have been a moment today in between sweaty pores where there was light.<br />
4. You are everywhere, and completely silent.<br />
5. Social media is killing me.<br />
6. Tonglen, Breathe in pain and breathe out goodness.<br />
7. Lights flickering on and off, haunted old building<br />
8. Tell yourself that nothing has meaning, write that down until it means something<br />
9. I want to love myself again.<br />
10. I am all out of love, but not out of lists.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-27724693672443819832017-07-01T15:09:00.002-07:002017-07-01T15:09:42.751-07:00A Meeting of Needs1. Gather your needs together at the table, prepare the powerpoint.<br />
2. Make introductions, name favorite ice cream. (One of them remembers ice cream, sing that ani difranco song.)<br />
3. At the correct time, unleash the wretched mewling one with the hunched back and crooked face, watch it jump on the table, kick over the water glasses, spill the coffee, scream, pull ties, shake chairs.<br />
4. The one with twinkling eyes reclines and giggles, swishing her skirt.<br />
5. Dreamworks<br />
6. Ask your dream friend, "How does it feel to be one consciousness divided into several bodies?"<br />
7. Record the answer- something about pheromones, body chemistry. Otherwise not unusual. (Continue tagging the walls, ignoring me. You are distracted in death.)<br />
8. Name them all, now. Acknowledge them: conversation, diversion, absurdity, comfort, confusion, engagement, music, connection, love, sex, touch, power, peace, control.<br />
9. Control.<br />
10. The need to be a fish in the sea, a wave in the water<br />
11. Moon on the inside, sun on the outside<br />
12. moon on the streets, sun in the sheets / sun in the streets, moon in the sheets<br />
14. Be the East and the West<br />
15. Trust. If there is just one unifying word, let it glow on the last page of the keynote.<br />
16. The prezi. The blog. The affirmation. The deed.<br />
17. Definiteness of purpose.<br />
18. Clear your mind, and the rest will follow.<br />
19. Yes I heard you say that cliche again, now they are all my friends. The shadows and the shut ups.<br />
20. "It's the Journey not the Destination." Say that to yourself five times upon arriving at the destination. Test it out. Is it? Do you feel it?<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-40448413072404970472017-06-16T17:36:00.001-07:002017-06-16T17:37:29.474-07:00A Quick Fix for Bleeding Hearts and Nightmares1. There is no quick fix<br />
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2. Buckle up<br />
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3. Make peace</div>
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4. Write the origin story, make sure it all makes sense</div>
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5. Wrap it up and put a bow on it, and maybe open it up, or shake it, because we don't really know what's in there anymore, and it might be good. </div>
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6. Play the invisible violin</div>
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7. Consult two different psychics. (Choose Candy, not Marv. Marv's voice is so gruff.) </div>
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8. Queen of Hearts, Jack of Diamonds </div>
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9. Integrity</div>
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10. You will put lots of gaff tape on this, and ask where the reset button is, and you will gaze into black velvet, and sit on the splintery bench, and you will look and wonder and you will squeeze each other very tightly and see exactly the shape of this, and you will let it be what it is, exactly as it is.<br />
11. Refer to Item #1</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-85725385652288250042017-02-03T19:24:00.000-08:002017-02-03T23:12:17.648-08:00Alternate Ways to Consummate Our Love 1. Tighter, painful, electric hugs<br />
2. Kisses to the left of the lips<br />
3. Standard penetrating gazes<br />
4. Wine bellies<br />
5. Criminal activity<br />
6. Cross the wires<br />
7. Draw a blue sky together with one crayon, press it sideways firmly with our thumbs<br />
8. Flirt with the same bartender<br />
9. Look at medieval erotica and whisper names of soul mates while tracing outlines with fingers<br />
10. Dream of mud, dream of horses<br />
11. Conference call with ghosts<br />
12. Remember God<br />
13. Summon the golem<br />
14. Wake up with the largest heart you've ever had, expanding in Rilke's concentric circles<br />
15. Float away, meet in JupiterUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-9943121190477202502016-04-08T23:38:00.001-07:002016-04-08T23:38:55.168-07:00Invisible Fleas and A Shallow-Breathed Tight-Chested Prayer 1. Sing that whole lyric sing it out round with all its fatty tissues, <i>like a house falling into the sea</i><br />
2. Let the sickness pass<br />
3. Yell to the sky and ask its forgiveness and make it a promise, ask it to simultaneously be the wall and break the wall<br />
4. Notice the yellow flowers<br />
5. Watch moments of 2016 so far and hear little cells awaken like yellow flowers to say we are living all of this, and this is something real now, don't forget this<br />
6. Wonder to what extent I am cheating if I am on medication<br />
7. How can you break the chains when you are part of the chains<br />
8. Move without the mind moving too, the mind is flying in an old Forbes private jet, the mind is hovering between clouds.<br />
9. You were in my dream last night, I want to call you and tell you and invite you back to stay<br />
10. At the coffee shop read Sontag and think of the naive idea of originality, rject voices, but every voice creeps back in its way<br />
11. Test your skin for its elasticity and wonder why you hurt this body so much<br />
12. Thin wall, thick skin<br />
13. Ride a wave of inspiration, but not too far<br />
14. Think of the tsunami, think of the frazzle-haired woman at the convenience store, think of all of this muddled pain and the article of the realness and sometimes we can stand together in our realness and sometimes you are on a pedestal or in a raincloud and I wonder when I will truly meet youUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-37530670791349775242016-01-14T22:38:00.001-08:002016-01-14T22:39:52.671-08:00Blood and Beets #Nohashtag1. Tell the story of Little Eight John, but not in dialect<br />
2. Know your limbs are filled with electric stiffness that makes you less human, and everybody knows you are a robot.<br />
3. Get tired, get fast<br />
4. When you look at another corner of the room the light and shadow changes entirely. Perspective.<br />
5. Are you one of the elite few whose immense beauty cannot be captured on the screen?<br />
6. Look up the various spellings of your last name, involving the town of Parketin.<br />
7. I am hearing all of your words melt into my cells but not my ears. You are turning my heart compost, every day.<br />
8. I told you yesterday that there would be words and directions coming soon, from Lord Above from Sky God from Great Mystery, soon they would appear at my fingertips and show me exactly what to do.<br />
9. Consulting every Ouija board<br />
10. When I hear you telling the truth to somebody else, and it is not the same truth you tell me.<br />
11. That's why nobody likes you<br />
12. Watching caterpillars writhing on the floor<br />
13. Your brain and its microbes<br />
14. Memes are memories are games, #tbt #thatfeel #thatmemory #thatghost #alanrickman #davidbowie<br />
15. I want to receive my award for not caring passionately about the deaths of these beautiful people, they were never real people to me, I don't get it. They are beautiful, but they were not my friends. They were symbols and stories and legends and myths and I didn't know them and everything I know about them still exists. I don't relate to the experience of feeling disproportionately, famously sad about famous deaths.<br />
16. What about the children?<br />
17. Antidepressants still, mourning with a smile<br />
18. House of fire, molasses, smoke, clay, wood, matted fur<br />
19. Orange peels and coffee grounds and cats in the front yard<br />
20. Your belly is more orange and cloudy than ever<br />
21. This is home, still.<br />
22. 2016 more moments.<br />
23. Try to write critically, and come back to snippets pulses poetry hashtags<br />
24. Fortress<br />
25. Thoughts of the escape during the walk, the wrench in the routine, the 7 mile jog the long distance swim with whales the unexpected derive the poem that spilled accidentally out of your guts the phone call the dream of packing all of the belongings, mismatched rusty earrings, ornaments, and heirlooms. I am always leaving tomorrow at 4pm and there is no way to carry all of my belongings from here today.<br />
26. It is a shadowy sterile place where the eyes are watching us and asking why didn't you stay here in this safe place where you would receive all of somebody else's treasures?<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-39216536457349469692015-02-23T23:07:00.001-08:002015-02-23T23:07:31.565-08:00Black Bugs, Owl-Eyed Feathers, Honesty1. Choose whether you would have others make you bitter, or make you better<br />
2. Slow dance stories<br />
3. Cross your arms and tell me about the sexy things you wrote as an adolescent<br />
4. Continue to believe life has given you nothing but dust-covered brains, that streets are empty and skies are grey and there is nothing but unraveling gibberish and echoes, or open the little door of your little house and let a sandworm or a mountain destroy everything you have come to believe is true<br />
5. Mysterious lemons appear in the kitchen<br />
6. List Your True Loves: An armadillo-admirer, A salt-eater, A German Elf, Owen, A Cult Leader, Larry David Lynch, A pilot, Anybody<br />
7. Feel your sore throat, gargle salt water<br />
8. Say no<br />
9. Make a Miso Reduction<br />
10. Squares and purpose<br />
11. If I was not afraid, how long would this list be, and where would it find me<br />
12. Body DisassociationUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-9936046051641570202014-09-27T15:20:00.004-07:002014-09-27T15:20:47.236-07:00Secret Gifts for Precious Friends by Johannes de Silentio1. Just remember when everything was easy, and remember that moment is right now, before any explosions and before any gunshots, just the sounds of wind chimes, hold them in your ears<br />
2. Remember when your sentences were not held together by nerves<br />
3. Remember when (hashtag) when thoughts were more than just glimpses of thoughts and just echoes and twitches<br />
4. I just sit and twitch and you attach the machine to me and my legs muscles are not walking but they are dreaming of walking, matrix machine<br />
5. Trip up and down the stairs and upside-down like Maya Deren stunted stilted softly so that you are appearing hovering above every ghost room blowing breezes through windows<br />
6. Remember the dream you have about somebody, when you predicted they would you would we would become distant, when you looked through Grandpa's submarine and found old letters and old friendships and you know he is alive and dead in this space<br />
7. Once there was a time and once there was not a time<br />
8. Keep the little doll in your pocket named Vasalisa and just let that bitch do whatever Baba Yaga asks of you<br />
9. Dream of the Knight of Faith, what his face looks like as he stares at rats who scurry and at sixteen-year old girls<br />
10. Your fingers' little beaming lights<br />
11. I was real at certain specific times; during our long walks, when I held dream hands on green hills, when you looked me in the eye in the dark cafe with beaming eyes and said this is the right time, when we lay in the hammock little girls looking at the moon, when we slid sideways down the deck, when i kissed you and made your hat fall off on the street, when we walked on train tracks to your far-off 3 am house, when we laughed in the park and fear was gone, when we took pictures at the playground, when i gave you a chance to play that part and you left beaming full of pride, whenever your sweet voice drifts back to me, when you told me about racing down the stones in the river, when we had coffee and you explained aboriginals. i was real at those times.<br />
12. suddenly every you is you, and that was never clearer than in my love poem, and i am kind of bursting at the seams, i know this to be true, but now i know this to be true, and remember how much i know this to be true, so i can write a love poem to a chair and to a dog and to a worst enemy and you will meet me thereUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-74257555965063173002013-06-21T00:07:00.000-07:002013-06-21T00:08:56.872-07:00The Rules of the Day1. Enjoy picking the fleas out of small dog's fur and crunching them under your fingers.<br />
2. Contemplate the horror of the fire that almost burned down your house. Stand in awe and confusion and relief while watching the parallel dimensional self arrive to a burnt down house. This is a universe in which cranberry juice does not exist.<br />
3. Appreciate gentle reminders of real life.<br />
4. Imagine the clever conversations you might have with the middle schoolers next door on the stoop, something that would prove to them that you are certainly no longer in middle school anymore, and you no longer adhere to middle school rules.<br />
5. Think of the today's nebulous shape of feelings and spaces, from running by the sea and hearing stories of heartbreak to peace and breathing and feet up on the wall and sleeping dog.<br />
6. Fall helplessly at your own feet. Fall in love and in awe at the shape you made in time with your imperfect body and sad, sad, self-obsessed soul.<br />
7. Did you love somebody today? Were you gentle?<br />
8. If you were gentle you get 10 points.<br />
9. Listen to a voice that makes all of the smiles in my nerves fireworks, and the nerves in my smiles turn to fireworks, and turn into Katy Perry, and be heartbroken by Russell Brand.<br />
9b. If you have recovered from your Russell Brand heartbreak, move forward 10 spaces of transcendence.<br />
10. This morning we were Grumps, and I remembered how important it is to say Hi, I am thinking about you.<br />
11. Hi, I am thinking about you, because you exist. You are alone where you are and I am alone where I am but you exist because I am thinking about you and because I am thinking about you I also exist. Somebody famous said that, I think it was Cap'n Horatio Magellan Crunch.<br />
12. Everybody says you are working hard, don't tell them the truth, that you are actually just watching the John Lennon biopic "Nowhere Boy."<br />
13. Send a limousine or a fairy to pick up your so-called-best-friend from a far away land and take them to Cuba to reenact an escape to America.<br />
14. Don't use any actual names, hide names in other names.<br />
15. Alterego name-dropping.<br />
16. Fragments.<br />
17. Hot bed.<br />
18. Fire<br />
19. Be ready and gracious and forgiving.<br />
20. finally, a narrative: today i was a whore's corpse buried deep inside a mattress and i couldn't get up cause i was dead. there's no more life. but somebody said hey it's okay get up and come look at the sea, don't be afraid of life, don't worry about what you care about or what you want, just act, just do, because otherwise you will not lift a finger. just keep doing. so my fingers played piano and i felt okay again. and i started not panicking about flat 9s. that's for losers. and i stopped and stared and inhaled plastic. and i gave treats. and i sang KORN. and this was a day full of life and at first i said no.<br />
my car is full of plastic. barbie's last name is roberts or jones or something. she is all-american. barbie is the only one who can save us from global warming. totally greenhouse barbie. barbie's teats will nurse all of the polar bears back to life. and we'll sing gospel hymns out of every 90s song. and we'll be okay now that we have your phone records.<br />
21. Is Snowden a Hero?<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-1740095816646947012013-04-19T23:19:00.003-07:002013-04-19T23:19:53.456-07:00Heartbeats Honesty Irony1. Listen to how fast your poor heart beats, too fast, struggling to move blood through this entire body expanding in a universe of fat, underneath there is nothing but fancy sadness.<div>
2. I'd like to be honest ...this isn't working out. I don't know you.</div>
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3. Today I was happiest when you told me the story of how you took care of your deaf dumb and blind brother and he died January 17 and I feel this is real love and when I said I was a musical director your eyes lit up and you said God is here and God is working in mysterious ways and so forth. And you said things that I didn't dare say but was blessed with and you're a gift.</div>
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4. Watching Crossroads and thinking of all of those lost buried boxes.</div>
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5. I have a vice and it is All-American.</div>
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6. Tomorrow it's Raw Foods. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-67103729566131066562013-02-19T00:24:00.001-08:002013-02-19T00:26:31.102-08:00dear diary1. Do yoga on the bluff, plus howl and primal scream.<br />
2. After 2 days of freedom, enjoy sudden hints of jealousy, shame, and a wall of distance.<br />
3. We are speaking, and in our glowing eyes every word is important, and then slowly bricks build up our lungs and eyes and tongue, and everything that has been said is no longer meaningful, and you feel it and say sometimes i feel like nothing i say is worth a fuck, and i want to say yes and no, and all of a sudden i'm a meatball, and i say don't think that. and then there's the impulse.<br />
4. i listen to the poet you love, and all of our words written down<br />
5. sometimes there is no wisdom left, only words<br />
6. brilliant things, everything is contained in your laugh<br />
7. we hide away in pleasures of the world when we really want to taste thick molasses of godblood<br />
8. you say something that resonates, then not, then we disappear<br />
9. what impulse are you following now?<br />
10. soy cappucino<br />
11. under the evening tent, candlelit eating chocolates, i hope you are not disappointed.<br />
12. you ask if i saw your accidental penis while you were gardening. we think it inspired last night's dream about penises growing in a bed of soil. i could not identify who each belonged to, and i did not want to make a mistake and choose the wrong penis. especially if it meant incest.<br />
13. he didn't believe that i had these dreams<br />
14. i suspect my ex-lover and ex-best friend are now lovers.<br />
15. read the insights<br />
16. every moment of nap, of insecurity, of directionlessness, i feel anxiety and panic, and then i remember, ah yes i am being taken care of, please direct me towards something, because the devil certainly makes work for these hands<br />
17. emails and calls and deleting voicemails<br />
18. i wrote a song and sent it to you<br />
19. you you you<br />
20. i make plans, practice songs, and my soul hovers and hovers and hovers. it is a will o' wisp. all i want to do is make children happy.<br />
21. suspect mind. i fuckin' hate musicals.<br />
22. make your list of what is Good and Bad and cross everything out.<br />
23. what are their rules? what are yours?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-47523195698645750672012-11-09T14:46:00.003-08:002012-11-09T14:48:52.085-08:00Lust/List/Liszt 1. Consider writing A list of Titles of lists to best capture this morning list-making experience<br />
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2. View <a href="http://threadandbones.com/">friends' blog</a> about people-as-lists. (I am this music, these places, these people, these books, these ideas.) Beautiful portraits capturing form and essence. (But still makes me anxious. or listless? I thought they were synonyms. Turns out they are definitely not.)</div>
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3. "Listin'" to Your Heart</div>
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4. Write a list of all of the tiny, impractical, wild, beautiful goals and dreams and projects (dress-making, gardening, homemade cider, humanitarian aid, peace corps, articulate blogs, etc)</div>
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5. Find out how much time Mind Judge Judy actually spends in session. Every time she makes a comment on somebody else, I identify her. </div>
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6. Read about <a href="http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheats/2012/11/08/doctors-without-borders-in-queens.html">Doctors Without Borders</a> and then imagine joining the Peace Corps. </div>
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7. Decide with fervor, <i>yes, this is where I need to be, away from the enormous mental brain of lists and orgasmic circles disguised as neat little narratives, digging trenches and getting my hands dirty and listening. To be with other humans and hear stories and to shut my little face and do some good old fashioned hard work.</i></div>
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8. Chopin or Liszt?</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-80198612447878046162012-10-20T07:42:00.000-07:002012-10-20T07:47:26.253-07:00Lightbulb Game1. Routine: Sing The Thrilling Morning Song as The Mayor of Morning Town<br />
2. Warehousisms: Kissed by a Rose, Dreidel, Upon Your Lips "you're my/my dick"<br />
3. Play dead, watch friends play dead, resurrect on third day like Simon, but don't wait three days.<br />
4. Who is the Mayor of Evening Town?<br />
5. Confession Booth Bathroom<br />
6. Sit and drink coffee and type the show's theses.<br />
7. Create aphorisms/warkentinisms/imagined truths/stolen ideas: "Truth is, essentially a creative act" and "the point is... have a resilient imagination, you'll need it... to imagine there is a truth.<br />
8. Imagine a world in which this is true.<br />
9. John Malkovitch Game. Some day.<br />
10. Coffee, soup, bread. Hot yoga.<br />
11. Cold yoga.<br />
12. Inspiration.<br />
13. Dream of the play.<br />
14. Cut and paste literary love letters, rather than attempt to write your own. It's po-mo-ro-mo.<br />
15. Imagine the movies you will see.<br />
16. Have your cake and eat it too!<br />
17. Know that all of this is primal behavior disguised as civilization. Compare yourself to the magpie in the tree, who is probably not thinking how he will be better on another day, when he is a better bird.<br />
18. Finally begin your ahhhrt blog. Satisfaction.<br />
<!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-30109936521806381702012-10-03T07:32:00.000-07:002012-10-03T07:32:01.022-07:00The Memory Game1. Stare and observe, step out of predator/prey, notice something new.<br />
2. Wildness. Express. Absorb.<br />
3. Wander and wander, through graveyards and bat-covered trees.<br />
4. Decide if you perceive consolation or threats in saintly text.<br />
5. Heart-to-hearts, graffiti hop-skotch in alma park, glitter snail fire pole.<br />
6. Symbolic meaning in everything, challenge of erasing<br />
7. Memory game. Have an experience with another person and write down what you remember. Top 10 things.<br />
8. Collective dreaming?<br />
9. Imagine who you would be with no limitations<br />
10. List your heroes: Anais Nin, Jans Svankmeyer, Bjork, Dali, David Lynch, Stephin MerrittUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6489230077648560339.post-5239757588533882272012-10-02T08:44:00.002-07:002012-10-02T08:47:00.362-07:00The 8-Day Design1. Life reframed as games I played with myself, day in and day out. The game of the scene, the game of the moment: what is the fun here, the lesson, the anecdote, the rule of the moment that you are playing by? What do you remember from your past 8 days, in 8 memories?<br />
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2. Sometimes I don't want to play a game, and I don't want to find the rule, I'd rather it found me.</div>
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3. A poem with numbers is a list, a list with numbers is a poem</div>
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4. "There is no truth without god, there is no god without truth," -Wankertin Bruce; an alias I used earlier in my career (ie, pre-thirties)</div>
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5. Imagine again, Dream #4256: The Malkovich game. Write a list of very specific things you would do during our day, a recipe for a typical day-in-the-life, including thoughts only you would have. Put them in a hat and exchange. Live exactly, moment by moment, the life of the other player(s). Recount how everything has changed. (Exchanges with loved ones, with strangers. Live as a hermit, a debutante. Work in a suit, sit naked on a pier, experience varying degrees of ease and dis-ease)</div>
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6. Contemplate my trembling rabbit imagination, hopping free through green Gertrude Stein dada hills and being tucked away in magician's hats until pulled out by the ears.</div>
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7. Think in images, think linear</div>
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8. Contemplate yoga for self-defense.</div>
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9. Meet the neighborhood kitten!</div>
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10. 90 minute morning yoga- burn away what you don't need</div>
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11. Talk to parents, see your face in theirs</div>
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12. Create your story blog, your art blog, your simple blog (where?), your ambition blog, your marionette blog, your sexygirlseatingpancakes blog, feastyoureyes</div>
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13. Keep reading! Marionettes!</div>
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14. Breakthroughs, lights, knowledge, glowing apple.</div>
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15. See a Melbourne Fringe Show- go over the Genesis family tree. Patriarchy, melodrama, sexy angry Yahweh. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0