1. Maiden, mother, crone. Count on your fingers until your fingers are gone.
2. Maiden you are not going easily, are you? Pretty o pretty o pretty one
3. "Speak, O Toothless One."
4. Everything You Said Was True
5. Today when every accomplishment feels like dull cuts with a butterknife
6. Cut With a Kitchen Knife is not just the name of your google doc of words, it is also a work of art by Hannah Hoch, female dadaist
7. Remember how to make your lists, they are lifesavers
8. David Whyte says everything will break your heart
9. In the arena
10. Vulnerable
11. Until what I am offering just looks too sinewy, too muddled, too confused
12. And is that okay.
13. It is not minimalist, or pleasing to the eye
12. It is maximalist, and messy
13. Can you love your mess?
12. Can you notice where you are stuck?
13. Where are you stuck?
14. You are stuck where you are not on your knees saying "I Can't."
15. Every moment say, "I Can't, I Can."
16. The limits of what you can and can't, what you are and aren't.
17. If I could see me through your eyes at every moment, I would say all of these things
18. Good job, beautiful.
19. Give me til Monday, beautiful.
20. You are beautiful and your voice is beautiful.
21. You don't need to stay indoors
22. It is not always safe by yourself indoors
23. That is not always what you need
24. What you need is a slippery fish
25. "This fish is pungent."
26. All of the things I laughed at, I cry at, because they are Beautiful
27. Wake me up inside
28. I want us all to succeed
29. And make it to heaven
30. I guess if I am loving myself the best I can today, that's enough. Messy room, clean car.
31. It's enough
32. The homage to myself is too much self
33. For it is by self forgetting we find
34. It is by dying we awaken to eternal life
Thursday, October 18, 2018
Thursday, June 28, 2018
The Unflattening (Winding Like Roses)
1. Wake up blearily and vaguely recall the dream of Desi Arnaz, your true love disappearing, experimental films, blood clots. Mix up days, all the dreams bleed together.
2. Memories of mangoworms and the heroes who squeeze them out of puppy paws. Do not think of the dying puppy's porous jaws, do not think of it, look up "trypophobia," know each hole is a button you press, know each worm is trying to survive in its tiny way, and it enjoys mangos just like you. You have a lot in common.
3. Everything is cancelled. Talk to women who care about you. They will remind you that the only goal is to tear down barriers to love.
4. Look at social media, the colors of hair and the smiling faces and the lipstick and the quickness.
5. Walk outside to the pharmacy and belong to the day.
6. Belong to the day.
7. Belong to the melted trash can.
8. Belong to the neighbors you greet as though you belong here, as though this is where you have lived and will always live.
9. Greet the pitbull, the chihuahua, the porcelain garden lambs.
10. Enjoy the stripes everybody is wearing
11. Try to understand systems, promise yourself your brain is still functional
12. Find something to love, something to embrace.
13. Interact lightly with a friend and feel the ease of all of the shadows lifting.
14. The Bodhi Tree. I sit with red clown hair present to all experience. Here for the stillness.
15. Make an orderly outline, the one you have made so many times, and laugh. Maybe you are not checking anything off the list, maybe just tracing the same spiral, walking on the Escher staircase.
16. Know the system is just beyond your reach and you are part of it but never ever able to see its machinery
17. Approximate the machinery
18. Tell the machinery in list form that it will emerge organically
19. The machinery is the winding roses curving around the grey white house
20. Just stand in front of that place in your neighborhood you never noticed before, on a breezy afternoon, and let yourself cry. Because that is more beautiful than anything. And become unflattened.
21. Make your own choices, your own mistakes, your own lists, your own words, your own smiles, your own loves, your own approval, your own love, Like a Woman.
2. Memories of mangoworms and the heroes who squeeze them out of puppy paws. Do not think of the dying puppy's porous jaws, do not think of it, look up "trypophobia," know each hole is a button you press, know each worm is trying to survive in its tiny way, and it enjoys mangos just like you. You have a lot in common.
3. Everything is cancelled. Talk to women who care about you. They will remind you that the only goal is to tear down barriers to love.
4. Look at social media, the colors of hair and the smiling faces and the lipstick and the quickness.
5. Walk outside to the pharmacy and belong to the day.
6. Belong to the day.
7. Belong to the melted trash can.
8. Belong to the neighbors you greet as though you belong here, as though this is where you have lived and will always live.
9. Greet the pitbull, the chihuahua, the porcelain garden lambs.
10. Enjoy the stripes everybody is wearing
11. Try to understand systems, promise yourself your brain is still functional
12. Find something to love, something to embrace.
13. Interact lightly with a friend and feel the ease of all of the shadows lifting.
14. The Bodhi Tree. I sit with red clown hair present to all experience. Here for the stillness.
15. Make an orderly outline, the one you have made so many times, and laugh. Maybe you are not checking anything off the list, maybe just tracing the same spiral, walking on the Escher staircase.
16. Know the system is just beyond your reach and you are part of it but never ever able to see its machinery
17. Approximate the machinery
18. Tell the machinery in list form that it will emerge organically
19. The machinery is the winding roses curving around the grey white house
20. Just stand in front of that place in your neighborhood you never noticed before, on a breezy afternoon, and let yourself cry. Because that is more beautiful than anything. And become unflattened.
21. Make your own choices, your own mistakes, your own lists, your own words, your own smiles, your own loves, your own approval, your own love, Like a Woman.
Sunday, February 4, 2018
Things To Say To Your Reflection (And Other Public Transport Games)
1. Look it right in its flaming eye, in the subway glass, and say I WILL FIND YOU with determination, there is determination above those dark circles.
2. Distract it and the memory of it by making a scavenger hunt for the following things: the reddest lips, the nicest nails, the best boots, the strongest child, the purplest hair, the most starving artist, the sick man with the pirate patch, the teenager who looks most like Prince, the quietest heart, the friendliest smile, the most suspicious eye
3. Just remember as a statement how many mirrors there are, and be somebody's mirror, like that Velvet Underground song
4. Say to it, "The time for palm readers, tarot cards, wishes, and kings is over. Now is the time to sit by the brook and hear it babble. That babble of train track clickety clack."
5. The Fool's Journey
6. you have Nerves like weeds
7. you grow Patience like poppies
8. "Yes you have given me all the reasons why not, but what about all of the reasons why? This is why not. This is why. Why? Why not?" either liberating or profoundly not.
9. Leaves clues in places, in the shape of a cloud of perfume
10. There is enough room for all of us. Allow me to disappear and reappear several times.
11. Yours is not mine is mine is yours
2. Distract it and the memory of it by making a scavenger hunt for the following things: the reddest lips, the nicest nails, the best boots, the strongest child, the purplest hair, the most starving artist, the sick man with the pirate patch, the teenager who looks most like Prince, the quietest heart, the friendliest smile, the most suspicious eye
3. Just remember as a statement how many mirrors there are, and be somebody's mirror, like that Velvet Underground song
4. Say to it, "The time for palm readers, tarot cards, wishes, and kings is over. Now is the time to sit by the brook and hear it babble. That babble of train track clickety clack."
5. The Fool's Journey
6. you have Nerves like weeds
7. you grow Patience like poppies
8. "Yes you have given me all the reasons why not, but what about all of the reasons why? This is why not. This is why. Why? Why not?" either liberating or profoundly not.
9. Leaves clues in places, in the shape of a cloud of perfume
10. There is enough room for all of us. Allow me to disappear and reappear several times.
11. Yours is not mine is mine is yours
Tuesday, January 2, 2018
Day Two is Day One is Heart Rot
1. I am a person who does This. (When you are not sure what kind of person you are, remember you are the person who does This.)
2. Roll out one lonely bin.
3. Watch the blackest smoke burst from behind the stucco Victorians.
4. I remember that time when that friend of yours tried to leave her silhouette on the earth and I was just pouting because I think it made you love me less.
5. Not Evil, Just Desperate
6. That rolling-eye half-lid kind of crackle-throated cynicism where I say things as though I have a death wish and a cigarette in my mouth
7. Perform the motions of love. Dry-rotted heart.
8. "In trees, heart rot is a fungal disease that causes the decay of wood at the center of the trunk and branches."
9. Who will remind me?
10. Touchstone. There is no picture that will describe it.
11. There's a video I shouldn't have watched of you where you are holding back a laugh. (I love you most any time you are soft-bellied and not You.)
12. Fire-bellied frog.
13. Boots with no stockings.
14. It's too cold, it's too soon, it's too much.
15. Somewhere my compassion is hovering above me like the ripest raincloud. My empathy bots are chasing you right now. Infusing you with light. Giving you pills. Petting your head. Everything you need.
16. My body, my little center of the universe dissolves. I want all of my good molecules to bond with yours til you are The Best.
17. To contain it, to make it a formula. Something is wrong, it's probably me.
18. What do I let go of?
19. Bottle-feed
20. Rollercoaster.
2. Roll out one lonely bin.
3. Watch the blackest smoke burst from behind the stucco Victorians.
4. I remember that time when that friend of yours tried to leave her silhouette on the earth and I was just pouting because I think it made you love me less.
5. Not Evil, Just Desperate
6. That rolling-eye half-lid kind of crackle-throated cynicism where I say things as though I have a death wish and a cigarette in my mouth
7. Perform the motions of love. Dry-rotted heart.
8. "In trees, heart rot is a fungal disease that causes the decay of wood at the center of the trunk and branches."
9. Who will remind me?
10. Touchstone. There is no picture that will describe it.
11. There's a video I shouldn't have watched of you where you are holding back a laugh. (I love you most any time you are soft-bellied and not You.)
12. Fire-bellied frog.
13. Boots with no stockings.
14. It's too cold, it's too soon, it's too much.
15. Somewhere my compassion is hovering above me like the ripest raincloud. My empathy bots are chasing you right now. Infusing you with light. Giving you pills. Petting your head. Everything you need.
16. My body, my little center of the universe dissolves. I want all of my good molecules to bond with yours til you are The Best.
17. To contain it, to make it a formula. Something is wrong, it's probably me.
18. What do I let go of?
19. Bottle-feed
20. Rollercoaster.
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