Thursday, June 28, 2018

The Unflattening (Winding Like Roses)

1. Wake up blearily and vaguely recall the dream of Desi Arnaz, your true love disappearing, experimental films, blood clots. Mix up days, all the dreams bleed together.
2. Memories of mangoworms and the heroes who squeeze them out of puppy paws. Do not think of the dying puppy's porous jaws, do not think of it, look up "trypophobia," know each hole is a button you press, know each worm is trying to survive in its tiny way, and it enjoys mangos just like you. You have a lot in common.
3. Everything is cancelled. Talk to women who care about you. They will remind you that the only goal is to tear down barriers to love.
4. Look at social media, the colors of hair and the smiling faces and the lipstick and the quickness.
5. Walk outside to the pharmacy and belong to the day.
6. Belong to the day.
7. Belong to the melted trash can.
8. Belong to the neighbors you greet as though you belong here, as though this is where you have lived and will always live.
9. Greet the pitbull, the chihuahua, the porcelain garden lambs.
10. Enjoy the stripes everybody is wearing
11. Try to understand systems, promise yourself your brain is still functional
12. Find something to love, something to embrace.
13. Interact lightly with a friend and feel the ease of all of the shadows lifting.
14. The Bodhi Tree. I sit with red clown hair present to all experience. Here for the stillness.
15. Make an orderly outline, the one you have made so many times, and laugh. Maybe you are not checking anything off the list, maybe just tracing the same spiral, walking on the Escher staircase.
16. Know the system is just beyond your reach and you are part of it but never ever able to see its machinery
17. Approximate the machinery
18. Tell the machinery in list form that it will emerge organically
19. The machinery is the winding roses curving around the grey white house
20. Just stand in front of that place in your neighborhood you never noticed before, on a breezy afternoon, and let yourself cry. Because that is more beautiful than anything. And become unflattened.
21. Make your own choices, your own mistakes, your own lists, your own words, your own smiles, your own loves, your own approval, your own love, Like a Woman.

Sunday, February 4, 2018

Things To Say To Your Reflection (And Other Public Transport Games)

1. Look it right in its flaming eye, in the subway glass, and say I WILL FIND YOU with determination, there is determination above those dark circles.
2. Distract it and the memory of it by making a scavenger hunt for the following things: the reddest lips, the nicest nails, the best boots, the strongest child, the purplest hair, the most starving artist, the sick man with the pirate patch, the teenager who looks most like Prince, the quietest heart, the friendliest smile, the most suspicious eye
3. Just remember as a statement how many mirrors there are, and be somebody's mirror, like that Velvet Underground song
4. Say to it, "The time for palm readers, tarot cards, wishes, and kings is over. Now is the time to sit by the brook and hear it babble. That babble of train track clickety clack."
5. The Fool's Journey
6. you have Nerves like weeds
7. you grow Patience like poppies
8. "Yes you have given me all the reasons why not, but what about all of the reasons why? This is why not. This is why. Why? Why not?" either liberating or profoundly not.
9. Leaves clues in places, in the shape of a cloud of perfume
10. There is enough room for all of us. Allow me to disappear and reappear several times.
11. Yours is not mine is mine is yours

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Day Two is Day One is Heart Rot

1. I am a person who does This. (When you are not sure what kind of person you are, remember you are the person who does This.)
2. Roll out one lonely bin.
3. Watch the blackest smoke burst from behind the stucco Victorians.
4. I remember that time when that friend of yours tried to leave her silhouette on the earth and I was just pouting because I think it made you love me less.
5. Not Evil, Just Desperate
6. That rolling-eye half-lid kind of crackle-throated cynicism where I say things as though I have a death wish and a cigarette in my mouth
7. Perform the motions of love. Dry-rotted heart.
8. "In trees, heart rot is a fungal disease that causes the decay of wood at the center of the trunk and branches."
9. Who will remind me?
10. Touchstone. There is no picture that will describe it.
11. There's a video I shouldn't have watched of you where you are holding back a laugh. (I love you most any time you are soft-bellied and not You.)
12. Fire-bellied frog.
13. Boots with no stockings.
14. It's too cold, it's too soon, it's too much.
15. Somewhere my compassion is hovering above me like the ripest raincloud. My empathy bots are chasing you right now. Infusing you with light. Giving you pills. Petting your head. Everything you need.
16. My body, my little center of the universe dissolves. I want all of my good molecules to bond with yours til you are The Best.
17. To contain it, to make it a formula. Something is wrong, it's probably me.
18. What do I let go of?
19. Bottle-feed
20. Rollercoaster.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Big Silent Sun

1. Row your boat quietly on the Lakes.
2. Gaze at the shiniest star.
3. Stay hypnotized or find the other consciousness in the other hemisphere.
4. You are a Planet, I happily suffocate in your swirling gaseous clouds.
5. Little gnat brain, buzzing quickly.
6. Feel your fingers traveling.
7. Remember the dream of the hotel and the elevator. You are always there.
8. Feel the warmth behind you. It might be a fire.
9. Apocalyptic images from the Napa Valley Fire.
10. Neighborhood before and after.
11. My neighborhood now is a blank slate.
12. Makes plans like making wishes on trick candles.
13. Trick cake.
14. Behind you a big silent sun is filling up the sky.
15. You don't see it, and you shouldn't look at it, but feel it.
16. Staring at the moon instead.
17. Whichever one you are.
18. I still feel you radiating.
19. There is another kind of entity here.
20. You can tell yourself whatever you want, but the sun is rising.

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

The Gorilla Joke

1. Find out what the doctor would say to the gorilla who forgot how to gorilla. Make it a knock-knock joke that is more than a knock-knock joke.
2. Recall the wet dream. Was it a dream or a meme? Wet meme, wet dream.
3. Imagine the room that is covered mysteriously with more and more dust. Incredible amounts of dust.
4. Imagine the texts you would send to him, if you had less dignity.
5. Ask a first grader, "What is dignity?" and find out what bullying is.
6. Cancel everything.
7. Watch your neighbor fix his car, wonder if you should break the ice from up in the sky.
8. I think of you all of the time, and thank god I do.
9. I am ready for the light.
10. Draw this on your palm: "I am ready for the light." Draw it in a sun.
11. It could be worse.
12. So far so good. On a good day.
13. Your short hair, your sweet face, your glasses, your book, your chair.
14. Imagine the yellow wingback chair. The leather one made out of cows.
15. The smell of the spice factory. Turmeric in the streets.
16. Spilling cinnamon
17. Recycle or trash?
18. Houston we have a problem.
19. According to my sources, and my ignorance, everyone is fine and everything is ok.
20. We laugh a lot, on clouds. We get older and our clouds keep laughing.
21. I'm still in love with you.
22. I want to see you dance again.
23. 'Cause I'm still in love with you.
24. On this Harvest Moon
25. Miss you Josh
26. Miss you Alex
27. Miss you Grandma
28. Miss you Grandpa
29. Miss you, You
30. Miss you, Gorilla

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Arguments Between Self and Skyline

1. Lean over, create that list of what you can shout into sublime spaces such as ocean or cavern or skyline; "The frog is staying!" or "Do you love me?" or "Take me, moon."
2. When you lean deep into that self chasm, listen to echoes of the voice that says "How do I love you?"
3. There must have been a moment today in between sweaty pores where there was light.
4. You are everywhere, and completely silent.
5. Social media is killing me.
6. Tonglen, Breathe in pain and breathe out goodness.
7. Lights flickering on and off, haunted old building
8. Tell yourself that nothing has meaning, write that down until it means something
9. I want to love myself again.
10. I am all out of love, but not out of lists.

Saturday, July 1, 2017

A Meeting of Needs

1. Gather your needs together at the table, prepare the powerpoint.
2. Make introductions, name favorite ice cream. (One of them remembers ice cream, sing that ani difranco song.)
3. At the correct time, unleash the wretched mewling one with the hunched back and crooked face, watch it jump on the table, kick over the water glasses, spill the coffee, scream, pull ties, shake chairs.
4. The one with twinkling eyes reclines and giggles, swishing her skirt.
5. Dreamworks
6. Ask your dream friend, "How does it feel to be one consciousness divided into several bodies?"
7. Record the answer- something about pheromones, body chemistry. Otherwise not unusual. (Continue tagging the walls, ignoring me. You are distracted in death.)
8. Name them all, now. Acknowledge them: conversation, diversion, absurdity, comfort, confusion, engagement, music, connection, love, sex, touch, power, peace, control.
9. Control.
10. The need to be a fish in the sea, a wave in the water
11. Moon on the inside, sun on the outside
12. moon on the streets, sun in the sheets / sun in the streets, moon in the sheets
14. Be the East and the West
15. Trust. If there is just one unifying word, let it glow on the last page of the keynote.
16. The prezi. The blog. The affirmation. The deed.
17. Definiteness of purpose.
18. Clear your mind, and the rest will follow.
19. Yes I heard you say that cliche again, now they are all my friends. The shadows and the shut ups.
20. "It's the Journey not the Destination." Say that to yourself five times upon arriving at the destination. Test it out. Is it? Do you feel it?