Things to Consider When Lost and Listless

(and far from home)

1. Restore essence via pure things, dogs and babies, in which your place in the power scheme is always clear (except when it isn't, and you can't make anything do what you want unless you give it a treat)
2. Contemplate the koi in the koi pond.
3. Contemplate the lanai keeping out the summer bugs in wintertime.
4. Smile at Republicans.
5. You took down your Christmas lights so quickly
6. Baby eats a rum ball
7. Sleep next to dog taking deep German Shepherd breaths. I forgot your name, baby.
8. Sign up for Twitter.
9. Read things on the internet and get unclear.
10. Hope you can squeeze poetic pulp out of this California-cum-Florida orangepuff brain.
11. I want to swim with Manatees
12. Consider what they will think of you.
13. Shy mouth, small mouth, downcast eyes, I'm a princess.
14. My Mom was me, and I am her.
15. Read the beginning of everything, and hope for a silence that will carry me through to the end of Something Important. That is why theatre is important. It is self contained. You can't stop it like a movie. You are there. It is complete. It is important. It is experience. It is whole. No text to skim, no chapters to skip through. It is experience. It is pure. It is simple, in its complexity and intelligence, even in the aftermoments, it is the experience.

Tonight I Actually Glimpsed a Glimpse

Considering my Addiction to A Diction...

1. Misquote? Ego.
2. Everything I say is a bunch of stupid stuff.
3. Choose your choiciest words, stay safe, stay politically correct.
4. "Music retard."
5. Anais Nin's diary.
6. A bright light from where lights go on and off at different times.
7. Please please me, Oh Yeah, Like I please you
8. Personal meditative ritual sacred profane theatre
9. Nightmare/Dreamscape of 2 day trips and tidal waves
10. With arms wide open
11. The pain did not kill me, it made me stronger.
12. (Your turn.) The game of cliches, back and forth.
13. Woody Allen Love and Death Menu of Kisses

I Want to Be A Performance Art Tour Guide

poem in praise of speed levitch.

the pursuit of individuality
even if it is a myth
is the beautiful journey
noticing and assimilating details
a tiny knife of opinionlessness punctures all of the vulnerable loves in my heart,
the you-are-interested-in-so-many-things,
pancake person butter of choice
butter and syrup of choice
I chose to be a composer this year
A musician
Because that has chosen me, in some ways
And watching THE CRUISE
That beauty
Performance art tour guide
Haha!
This was a dream of mine long ago
Ever since I saw magical mystery tour
So add another to my lists
All related
All cracking open mystic words
About civilization and
God
Old worlds
Chassidic dance, praise god on the street
In your rainbow colors
For peace
Post-granola girl
Post-confusion
Post-god
Post-individuality
Breathing here
Flea-bitten summertime night
The late birds on branches
I want to lie in a plaza
Gaze at terra cotta buildings
Tell you why it is like those begging moments
And to reveal my deep love of life
Tell you parables
Stories about
Baal shem tov
To give you a FEELING
To GIVE YOU A FEELING
The gift of a feeling
Those things I am interested in
Are those things that were me before I knew I was me
The bondage of self
Keeps me from noticing the world
And away from addictions
That world expands and I notice details
And I can become flowers, appreciate flowers, and like an exhibitionist
Behold me flower!
Appreciate me
I am all curls and quirk
Through those swinging saloon doors
In the ghost town of my purest soul
Time traveler
Take the back to the future three (BEST ONE)
Train back to then
And allow no walls
Only swinging saloon doors
Lively Chassidic saloon jews
Wild jews
Dancing here
Where there is no failure
Only laughter at every failing
And laughter is success

Sick and Onward

1. Make yourself sick again
2. Onward and ever onward
3. Have an out-of-body experience
4. The lights go out
5. Work for 15 minutes.
6. Unwork
7. Joy again in (what else?! the faces of children!)
8. Fragments, this might as well be poetweet
9. re-read cityscapes
10. you and me and the moon. wild sage.
11. suicide prevention games
12. i am your grandma

I Actually Saw a Glimpse

I actually saw a ghost and a glimpse
of the things I'd do for you because I love you
But I mean really love you, not a gazing and starry-eyes, not a moon and a wish and a wish and a wash
no Pines
(and no christmas/yes christmas!)

it looked like a long text (not a message, a text. TEXTUALITY, intertextuality)
it looked like coffee shop conversation, a glow, and a Real Word with you
a Real Word
it looked like a word, something you care about, nothing empty
just eyes, no opinions

like Mother
said the ghost

the giver, the giver.
the curl-up-in-baby's-blood, we both curl up in each other's blood, in each other's baby's blood
our imaginary friends,
all of the things we'll do for each other
for ourselves

tonight i saw a glimpse
of letting go of myths
again and again myths

myths of passion of city of pining of places
and especially of Truth

so much waiting for Truth
the truth to take me off the goat farm, adam pearlman
so much for waiting for the Truth
nice boy from the goat farm

Recipe for The City and Life in The City

1. I like myself in The City, I like The City in myself.
2. Be Part of the Real Hive, not just the Hive Mind. Go to places smells go to schizophrenics at the L train, go to cold air graffiti bus stops coats and scarves.
3. Home in the City
4. Carrot Cardamom Soup in the City
5. This is what I've looked for in theatre, what the neo-futurists gave me tonight. 30 games, connections, experiences with the audience. Invitations for honest playful interaction, to play to love to think feel breathe honesty, more honest and yet not so honest.
5. Cold in the City
6. Mud Tubes Sexy Alabama Bog at Museum of Contemporary Art
7. useless capitalizing and uncapitalizing
8. Love a friend, room to think and breathe and push, this is where you belong and where you are pushed.
9. Sinking in, castles bricks below-level bedrooms, o's for lips like mud fish koi people, all this is superfluous, is honesty
10. Get to the Point, the little black tattoo. Behind my neck.

The Game of Reverse-Reduced Personhood, Played in San Francisco

1. Read You Are Not a Gadget by Lanier
2. Game of actually playing some of these games, as in thinking speaking constructing arguments and then again, writing poems.
3. Get your obnoxiousness AND idiocy caught on tape.
4. Hey, How's Libya?
5. BIG HAIR. Self-consciousness... Analyze What Is Ultimately You Either Got it Or Don't and then forget it, it ain't reality.
6. Mantra: My words aren't my fault, they're the best I got.

I'm reading You Are Not a Gadget for LOLPERA purposes. The reach of the digital revolution, flattened database identity, the misdirected and (whoops?) Maoistness of digital media and "open culture." One of the things Lanier suggests to counteract the deterioration of personhood is to write a blog that's not a fragment, that conveys/creates/constructs/communicates a personal perspective. But then I think in poetry, that's a pure and honest Hobservation of what life is. It is streaming, it is flowing soft thinking, not argument thinking, but nobody can "argue" on that creative wavelength or say NO that is not your experience, it is not divisive, but it is also not the illusion of one hive mind Wikitruth, it is very VERY truly my own perspective, my own memories, my own consciousness. So that's where I'll start to expand outside of DumbBook.

These are still fragments, but they are fragments from moments, real moments, real experience. I'm moving towards becoming a thinking being, not tangled up in sillies and fear and self-consciousness. Though isn't self-consciousness interesting? I love it. Circles of empathy. I'm growing up.

Observations of Orgelwerkentine in San Francisco

Third (wave. world. order.)
coffee over a long black granite table
you and your partner, and you and your partner, and your and your partner.

you sweetheart
you sweetness
offering us whispers of coffee and tea
your lover sleeping
on the mezzanine
overlooking the roof where dogs are champions of potential (weeping) open urban roof top spaces.
someday open. (potentially. weeping.)

You and your small-walking city-eyed twinkle
the city is dirty the city is clean the city is romance the city is mean

coffee words
walk in faster zoo strides.
the city is lonely.
the city is sweet.

Don't Worry, You Look Real Nice.

Holocaust Reparation Cafe. Curly. Many journal voices. Empathy- more loops, bigger soul.

******

In waves of trying/not trying to ride your wavelength
Nasal sniffle eating sounds I make too
Quickly stronger breathe shallow breaths fog up windows to see no skyline
(superior breath)
take off belt
(superior belt)
2 laptops young professional
(inferior speed of shoe removal at airport sneaker vs boot)
inferior superior
homeless
blanket.
help me food change
hipsters with all credit and no change.
GET IT?

ADVERTISING- all that's left.

and by the way, how's libya?

i don't feel guilty about working through the things that made me selfish, i only feel hope in becoming a person who cares and experiences, and creates experiences to create thinkers. starting with me.