Tuesday, February 19, 2013

dear diary

1. Do yoga on the bluff, plus howl and primal scream.
2. After 2 days of freedom, enjoy sudden hints of jealousy, shame, and a wall of distance.
3. We are speaking, and in our glowing eyes every word is important, and then slowly bricks build up our lungs and eyes and tongue, and everything that has been said is no longer meaningful, and you feel it and say sometimes i feel like nothing i say is worth a fuck, and i want to say yes and no, and all of a sudden i'm a meatball, and i say don't think that. and then there's the impulse.
4. i listen to the poet you love, and all of our words written down
5. sometimes there is no wisdom left, only words
6. brilliant things, everything is contained in your laugh
7. we hide away in pleasures of the world when we really want to taste thick molasses of godblood
8. you say something that resonates, then not, then we disappear
9. what impulse are you following now?
10. soy cappucino
11. under the evening tent, candlelit eating chocolates, i hope you are not disappointed.
12. you ask if i saw your accidental penis while you were gardening. we think it inspired last night's dream about penises growing in a bed of soil. i could not identify who each belonged to, and i did not want to make a mistake and choose the wrong penis. especially if it meant incest.
13. he didn't believe that i had these dreams
14. i suspect my ex-lover and ex-best friend are now lovers.
15. read the insights
16. every moment of nap, of insecurity, of directionlessness, i feel anxiety and panic, and then i remember, ah yes i am being taken care of, please direct me towards something, because the devil certainly makes work for these hands
17. emails and calls and deleting voicemails
18. i wrote a song and sent it to you
19. you you you
20. i make plans, practice songs, and my soul hovers and hovers and hovers. it is a will o' wisp. all i want to do is make children happy.
21. suspect mind. i fuckin' hate musicals.
22. make your list of what is Good and Bad and cross everything out.
23. what are their rules? what are yours?

No comments:

Post a Comment