I Want to Be A Performance Art Tour Guide

poem in praise of speed levitch.

the pursuit of individuality
even if it is a myth
is the beautiful journey
noticing and assimilating details
a tiny knife of opinionlessness punctures all of the vulnerable loves in my heart,
the you-are-interested-in-so-many-things,
pancake person butter of choice
butter and syrup of choice
I chose to be a composer this year
A musician
Because that has chosen me, in some ways
And watching THE CRUISE
That beauty
Performance art tour guide
Haha!
This was a dream of mine long ago
Ever since I saw magical mystery tour
So add another to my lists
All related
All cracking open mystic words
About civilization and
God
Old worlds
Chassidic dance, praise god on the street
In your rainbow colors
For peace
Post-granola girl
Post-confusion
Post-god
Post-individuality
Breathing here
Flea-bitten summertime night
The late birds on branches
I want to lie in a plaza
Gaze at terra cotta buildings
Tell you why it is like those begging moments
And to reveal my deep love of life
Tell you parables
Stories about
Baal shem tov
To give you a FEELING
To GIVE YOU A FEELING
The gift of a feeling
Those things I am interested in
Are those things that were me before I knew I was me
The bondage of self
Keeps me from noticing the world
And away from addictions
That world expands and I notice details
And I can become flowers, appreciate flowers, and like an exhibitionist
Behold me flower!
Appreciate me
I am all curls and quirk
Through those swinging saloon doors
In the ghost town of my purest soul
Time traveler
Take the back to the future three (BEST ONE)
Train back to then
And allow no walls
Only swinging saloon doors
Lively Chassidic saloon jews
Wild jews
Dancing here
Where there is no failure
Only laughter at every failing
And laughter is success

Sick and Onward

1. Make yourself sick again
2. Onward and ever onward
3. Have an out-of-body experience
4. The lights go out
5. Work for 15 minutes.
6. Unwork
7. Joy again in (what else?! the faces of children!)
8. Fragments, this might as well be poetweet
9. re-read cityscapes
10. you and me and the moon. wild sage.
11. suicide prevention games
12. i am your grandma

I Actually Saw a Glimpse

I actually saw a ghost and a glimpse
of the things I'd do for you because I love you
But I mean really love you, not a gazing and starry-eyes, not a moon and a wish and a wish and a wash
no Pines
(and no christmas/yes christmas!)

it looked like a long text (not a message, a text. TEXTUALITY, intertextuality)
it looked like coffee shop conversation, a glow, and a Real Word with you
a Real Word
it looked like a word, something you care about, nothing empty
just eyes, no opinions

like Mother
said the ghost

the giver, the giver.
the curl-up-in-baby's-blood, we both curl up in each other's blood, in each other's baby's blood
our imaginary friends,
all of the things we'll do for each other
for ourselves

tonight i saw a glimpse
of letting go of myths
again and again myths

myths of passion of city of pining of places
and especially of Truth

so much waiting for Truth
the truth to take me off the goat farm, adam pearlman
so much for waiting for the Truth
nice boy from the goat farm

Recipe for The City and Life in The City

1. I like myself in The City, I like The City in myself.
2. Be Part of the Real Hive, not just the Hive Mind. Go to places smells go to schizophrenics at the L train, go to cold air graffiti bus stops coats and scarves.
3. Home in the City
4. Carrot Cardamom Soup in the City
5. This is what I've looked for in theatre, what the neo-futurists gave me tonight. 30 games, connections, experiences with the audience. Invitations for honest playful interaction, to play to love to think feel breathe honesty, more honest and yet not so honest.
5. Cold in the City
6. Mud Tubes Sexy Alabama Bog at Museum of Contemporary Art
7. useless capitalizing and uncapitalizing
8. Love a friend, room to think and breathe and push, this is where you belong and where you are pushed.
9. Sinking in, castles bricks below-level bedrooms, o's for lips like mud fish koi people, all this is superfluous, is honesty
10. Get to the Point, the little black tattoo. Behind my neck.

The Game of Reverse-Reduced Personhood, Played in San Francisco

1. Read You Are Not a Gadget by Lanier
2. Game of actually playing some of these games, as in thinking speaking constructing arguments and then again, writing poems.
3. Get your obnoxiousness AND idiocy caught on tape.
4. Hey, How's Libya?
5. BIG HAIR. Self-consciousness... Analyze What Is Ultimately You Either Got it Or Don't and then forget it, it ain't reality.
6. Mantra: My words aren't my fault, they're the best I got.

I'm reading You Are Not a Gadget for LOLPERA purposes. The reach of the digital revolution, flattened database identity, the misdirected and (whoops?) Maoistness of digital media and "open culture." One of the things Lanier suggests to counteract the deterioration of personhood is to write a blog that's not a fragment, that conveys/creates/constructs/communicates a personal perspective. But then I think in poetry, that's a pure and honest Hobservation of what life is. It is streaming, it is flowing soft thinking, not argument thinking, but nobody can "argue" on that creative wavelength or say NO that is not your experience, it is not divisive, but it is also not the illusion of one hive mind Wikitruth, it is very VERY truly my own perspective, my own memories, my own consciousness. So that's where I'll start to expand outside of DumbBook.

These are still fragments, but they are fragments from moments, real moments, real experience. I'm moving towards becoming a thinking being, not tangled up in sillies and fear and self-consciousness. Though isn't self-consciousness interesting? I love it. Circles of empathy. I'm growing up.

Observations of Orgelwerkentine in San Francisco

Third (wave. world. order.)
coffee over a long black granite table
you and your partner, and you and your partner, and your and your partner.

you sweetheart
you sweetness
offering us whispers of coffee and tea
your lover sleeping
on the mezzanine
overlooking the roof where dogs are champions of potential (weeping) open urban roof top spaces.
someday open. (potentially. weeping.)

You and your small-walking city-eyed twinkle
the city is dirty the city is clean the city is romance the city is mean

coffee words
walk in faster zoo strides.
the city is lonely.
the city is sweet.

Don't Worry, You Look Real Nice.

Holocaust Reparation Cafe. Curly. Many journal voices. Empathy- more loops, bigger soul.

******

In waves of trying/not trying to ride your wavelength
Nasal sniffle eating sounds I make too
Quickly stronger breathe shallow breaths fog up windows to see no skyline
(superior breath)
take off belt
(superior belt)
2 laptops young professional
(inferior speed of shoe removal at airport sneaker vs boot)
inferior superior
homeless
blanket.
help me food change
hipsters with all credit and no change.
GET IT?

ADVERTISING- all that's left.

and by the way, how's libya?

i don't feel guilty about working through the things that made me selfish, i only feel hope in becoming a person who cares and experiences, and creates experiences to create thinkers. starting with me.

The Game of No

Game 1. My first impulse is critical. Critical of myself and others.

Game 2. My first impulsive is loving, supportive of myself and others.

Game 3. I can play both games, and see what happens. One is infinitely more rewarding.

Game 4. And in doing so, recreate the John Lennon Yoko Ono "YES" ladder love-at-first-sight experience. ...Find your John Lennon, Find your Yoko Ono.

More Games, Less Games

Game 1. Remember the game blog, and play again. Think of the 2%-by-decade decline in mental facility that occurs in your twenties and thirties, and say good riddance.

Game 2. Call in sick for work. Dream about how much you love work, wrapped in a blanket.

Game 3. Browse through the muslim conservative blog and consider posting a link on my facebook. But don't you dare do that, cause what if I don't believe it.

Game 4. Consider making this blog public. Who will play these games? These games are my liiifffeeeee

Game 5. Try to beatbox, or at least think about it.

Game 6. Browse through Stuff White People Like because I remember reading how white people love children's games as adults and I always think about this with my game-playing white and non-white friends. Yes, yes I do like those things that white people like... From the LA Times...

"By "white people," Lander doesn't actually mean the more than 221 million Americans who check that box on the decennial census. But that's part of the fun. Lander is doing to whites what scores of journalists and politicians do to non-white minorities every day, "essentializing" complex identities -- that is, stripping away all variety and reducing them to their presumed authentic essences.

One irony-deficient reader complained that the blog was less about white people than it was about yuppies. And without knowing it, she was cutting to the heart of the joke. Lander is gently making fun of the many progressive, educated, upper-middle-class whites who think they are beyond ethnicity or collectively shared tastes, styles or outlook. He's essentially reminding them that they too are part of a group.

Game 7. Vaguely remember my connection to the avant-garde and remember tonight's meeting of the Absurdist Ladies League of Long Beach meeting. Is there an avant-garde anymore?